Peeper in the Night

Months ago my home was visited by a peeping tom.

The peeper caught a female friend of my roomate as she stepped from the shower. I heard her alarm and dashed into my backyard, steak knife in hand, chasing him into the night. He escaped, but I thought he had learned his lesson. I was wrong. Last night, the peeper returned. I was preparing myself for sleep. I sat, enjoying a movement, mentally focused on the interview with Moscow that awaited me in the morning. Suddenly, outside, I heard the crunch of dry leaves underfoot. My landlord wasnt home, neither was my roomate...the cat was inside the house. Beyond all that, the weight of the steps screamed 'human being.' I knew the peeper was approaching. I turned to face the window, and waited as he stepped ever closer, and the noise he made became (to my now hyper-alert ears) deafening. I watched, frozen, as two sets of fingers reached the windowsill, and then ever so slowly a face raised itself and a pair of dark frightened eyes met my own.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?!?!?" I screamed my loudest hatest shriek at him and raised my fist, as if it could penetrate the glass of the window and somehow punish him for violating the sacnticty of my zone. The police came, we searched for hours, but I spooked him good, and he was long gone. Next time the peeper will not be so lucky.

I have devised a plan, and given a formal pledge for vendetta. The peeper will know my wrath.

I have procured essential tools to exact my revenge, and bring this criminal to justice.

1. 500,000 volt stun baton

2. Police Strength Pepper Spray

I will be victorious. I am patient and determined. I am the patron saint of partywood.